THE HOUSE RULES / PRE-SEASON 2026

LOW STANDARDS. CLEAR RULES.

01. Be in on the joke.

You must be 18 or older. Submit a story about yourself or a brand you’re authorized to represent. Don’t nominate private people, coworkers, former partners, or strangers without their participation. Public-figure nominations are not open in this launch version.

02. Give us the funny version.

Use a headline and a short story. No private information, threats, hate, sexual content, content involving minors, fabricated accusations, or copyrighted work you cannot use. You may add one small profile photo, logo, or graphic you have permission to use. No graphic violence, nudity, or private information. Graphics are reviewed with the nomination. Every nomination is reviewed before publication.

03. Support determines the ranking.

Nominations are free. Paid ranking opens after payment setup and testing. Rankings will use confirmed, noncharitable USD payments to Dumbest Alive. Each $1 adds one point; cents count proportionally. Contributions range from $5 to $1,000 per checkout. There are no bids, subscriptions, cash prizes, or payouts to nominees. No contribution guarantees a position. Advertising fees do not add points. Stolen cards, payment fraud, and manipulation are prohibited.

04. There’s a daily race.

The highest eligible contribution total during an Eastern Time calendar day determines that day’s leader. Until the day closes, the leader can change. Ties go to the earlier-created nomination. During pre-season, examples illustrate the idea; no official champions have been crowned.

05. The year ends. The joke doesn’t.

The planned annual title goes to the eligible nomination with the highest eligible contribution total when December 31 ends in Eastern Time. No cash or property prize is offered. The site and domain stay with the operator. Official championship operation and archival features will be announced when launched.

06. Removal is free.

Use the report button on a nomination to request review. The committee may reject or remove content, including a submission whose participant withdraws consent. Nobody pays to have content removed.

07. Be clear about the money.

Checkout opens only when payment setup is complete. Eligible totals exclude refunded amounts and amounts awaiting refund, and exclude whole contributions with an active or lost dispute. Failed or canceled refunds and disputes won or closed without loss can restore eligible credit. Contributions support a for-profit comedy project; they are not deductible charitable donations. Future advertising campaigns require an agreed scope, dates, price, and refund terms.